Dreams

Yesterday, while reading Alisa Bowman's latest blog, How to Face Your Biggest Fear, the phrase "find and chase your dream" started me thinking. Dreams. Life goals. Career goals. Oops, I think I may be missing something really important here.

When the topic of career goals comes up during my annual reviews, I am at a loss. Where do I see myself in five years? Well, since I've been doing essentially the same thing for the last 15 years, I might assume that trend will continue. I don't hate my job (most of the time), but I can't help but wonder if I wouldn't be happier doing something else. Honestly, I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. This is the real reason why I've never gone to college. I have absolutely no idea where to start or what courses to take, and my practical side won't allow me to waste money on courses that I don't "need".

When I was younger, I had a couple of big goals. I wanted to have a house and a family before I turned 30. I was married at 25, bought the house a year later, and the child came a few months after my 29th birthday. Goals met. Since then, I haven't really set any new goals. Now it seems that just keeping my head above water is enough. Sure, I have short-term goals, like sewing a costume for Ren Fest or getting all the laundry done, but that's just "to do" list stuff. It's not even in the same league.

Dreams. Everybody has a dream. Right? I'm pretty sure that I had some as a little girl, but I don't remember what they were. I'm not sure what happened to them. But I think it's about time that I figured out what they are now. I need to start chasing them while I'm still able to run!

The Masquerade

My favorite holiday is Halloween. Always has been. I love the idea of dressing up and becoming someone else. For the same reason, I'm a Ren Fest junkie. Any excuse to put on a costume or a mask, and I'm in! Interacting with other people (who don't know me) as a Renaissance lady, a gypsy fortune teller, a witch, or whatever, holds a special charm for me.

I have always dreamed of attending a masquerade ball... wearing a beautiful dress and dancing with mysterious partners. Hmmm, maybe one day.

Even when I'm not playing dress-up, I find myself wearing a mask of sorts. I very rarely share my true feelings with anyone - preferring to act as if life is normal, hunky-dory even, when all hell might be breaking loose around me. Okay, maybe that's a little extreme. But I do tend to tell people that I'm fine, when I have a multitude of worries nagging at me. Over time, I guess I have learned that people really don't want to hear about your troubles when they ask "how it's going". They're just making polite conversation. (If you've ever had anyone respond to that question with a laundry list of all their problems, you know exactly what I'm talking about.) So I just smile, and say all is well.

So, what about you? As you are dancing with each new partner at the masquerade ball of life, do you "tell all" or do you just adjust your mask and smile?